Wu-Tang Clan and Amazing Wanderer vs The Avengers…

My Wu-Tang name – according to the Wu-Tang Name Generator – is “Amazing Wanderer”. I can dig that alias. Yeah, I could wear that tag as I go about droppin’ rhymes and bringin da ruckus ’cause, uh, Amazing Wanderer ain’t nuthin ta cuss wit’…

Anyhow, the next obvious thing to do with a name name generator is run your relatives through it to see what nicknames it assigns them. It turns out I’m the son of “Irate Madman” and at that point I started getting a bit disturbed and remembered that in the clash of clans I’d probably be on the Shaolin side anyway and, thus, probably shouldn’t get hung up on a Wu-Tang title. (I know I’m confusing hip hop group with single obscure Hong Kong chopsocky films here. It doesn’t matter though, for we’re in a realm of pop culture crossover chaos and it’s been mixed by the Rza who has Iron Fists in both music and movies.)  Wu-Tang can do without me, but I’ll keep the Amazing Wanderer moniker thank you very much. Name generation games always seem to give me a lame nickname, but I like that one and it inspires me to try and be more amazing and do more wandering (both physically, mentally and spiritually).

Ruminating on it a little more, I realise that both I and the regular people I know need to do way more to earn a cool alternate rap persona. I’m not yet worthy of a place in any Wu-Tang Clan formulation or any grand kung fu mythology. There are, however, great icons that do command that prestige. How about putting them through the name generator? Let’s find Wu-Tang-style tags for cultural legends and, thus, arm ’em with the attitude and hip hop identity they need before I put ’em up for a rap battle/martial arts encounter with any version of the Wu-Tang Clan (or another rap collective or martial arts school).

You could do this with any ensemble unit and procrastinate for hours on end rap-ifying famous names. I’ll leave you, dear reader, to knock yourself out doing that and focus solely on one particular popular combo for now. Which infamous fightin’ band is going into the name generator to be reborn with a beat and badass rhymes? *Clears throat* Up from Nick Fury’s chamber! Avengers Assemble to amaze ya!

Tony Stark (Iron Man) becomes “Mighty Watcher“.

Steve Rogers (Captain America) becomes “Violent Criminal“.

Bruce Banner (The Incredible Hulk) becomes “Quiet Samurai“.

Thor (Thor) becomes “Shriekin’ Wizard“.

Natasha Romanoff (Black Widow) becomes “Thunderous Destroyer“.

Clint Barton (Hawkeye) becomes “E-ratic Ambassador“.

Nice and all, in some way, actually semi-appropriate. As an extra, support on the SHIELD Helicarrier comes from Nick Fury, a.k.a. “Profound Warrior” and he’s accompanied by the agents “E-ratic Prophet” (Phil Coulson) and “Intellectual Ambassador” (Maria Hill).

So there you have it, and the Battle of New York busts out in a blaze of devastating beats and blockbuster explosions. The pop cultural landscape will never recover from and the sweetest element of the rap album chronicle of the ruckus will be the repeated stab sample of Iron Man/Mighty Watcher saying “we have a Hulk“.

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